At times, a profound revelation or deeper understanding comes to my mind that needs to be shared with the world. These are not such musings. Rather, they are the moments where I have to stop and ask myself, "Did I just think that?" Aren't you lucky?
Thoughts from 2013
I can't imagine what the Wal-Mart cashier thought when some scraggly, long-haired guy was purchasing just three skeins of yarn at the wee hours of Saturday morning. To make matters worse, it was "4/20" and two of the them were "green shades" and "rainbow".
Thoughts from 2012
Why are sports so popular? People just love to watch big men chase tiny balls, and most of this time doesn't even have any of that occurring. It's largely the men standing there waiting for the next short burst of activity, repeat ad nauseum. To me, it's little different than porn: why would one want to watch other people doing something one self very well could be doing? The answer for both is 'cuz they can't, typically.
I don't get the appeal of "going clubbing". It's just a big party where you don't know anyone, ten fold. Plus, you gotta pay for drinks. Are people that desperate to impress complete strangers that they do this? Don't answer that; it was rhetorical. Of course it's a resounding "yes".
Thoughts from 2010
If serial killers were smart, they'd target mimes exclusively since they can't call out for help.
My favorite charitable act is cooking food for the blind. They appreciate my kindness and can't see the stack of TV dinner boxes in the trash. Plus, no one cares that I'm not wearing pants.
I like to think of traffic lights like people's faces, changing color with how they feel. Red for embarrassed, green for nauseated, and yellow for Asian. Just how "Asian" is an emotion and the possible racially insensitive nature of the comment are what I think about to drown out the honks, swears, and threats that are hurled my way when I zip under the lights. What are those things for, anyways?
Bunnies make great pillows, although they are a little messy. When I say that, I mean in that they leave those little pellets everywhere and that the weight of my head crushes their fragile bodies into a bloody smear. Hey, I does what I needs to get my sleep.
At one time, we were all helpless infants who crapped our diapers. Yet, society frowns upon it when in adulthood you wear a diaper without pants out in public. Prudes.
Why don't we have anything higher than 100% alcohol yet? Coach always told me to give 110% in everything I do. Is a little league team better than scientists? Start pulling your weight, you lazy trash!
Prostitution is just wrong. No one should pay for what should be such a lovely act between two people. Unfortunately, the pimps don't really see it my way yet and beat me mercilessly.
A dog can be so devoted to its master that it will leap in harms way to save his life at the cost of its own. This is where we get the expression stupid dog.
If I somehow got catapulted back to the age of the dinosaurs, I'd point and laugh at the giants and tell them that they'd be going extinct across the next thousands of years. They wouldn't understand me and would probably just eat me, but deep down inside they'd be hurt, hurt from the indigestion my modern day clothing could cause on their primitive stomachs.
Last Modified - April 28th, 2013 | Established - April 28th, 2013