Why I'm Still Single
As you might have gathered (from simply looking at this site or the seeing the blatant message that I've been at it since 1999), I don't date much. Like, rarely is a far stretch. So, like many other pathetic lonesomes out there, I took to on-line dating. ... "Awful" is a far stretch to how that turned out. With zero potential success at every turn, I've taken the medium less seriously and gradually turned it into "What sorta messed up shit can I say to people?" while still meaning it. It's like I'm hitting on chicks while pretending to be myself? Here, I've compiled just a sample of what I've blabbed to women, pretty much explaining why I'm doomed to bachelorhood.
Reasons from 2013
Regard Past Poor Relationships - Dec 18th
"I've been played before; none too fun. Well, twice if you count the time that Cyclops thought I was his banjo."
On Dating Much Younger Women - Dec 18th
"I'd just feel reeeal old with my ear-and-gray hairs, always complaining about kids these days and telling young punks to get off my lawn. Aw, man, my waistline has migrated up three inches already. Rabble-rabble."
Decoding my Madness - Dec 18th
"Phew. That was all taken in jest instead of as the ramblings of a madman. Which, for the sake of argument, I am not. This ripped open straitjacket laying on the ground next to me? That... that is a decoration. A... Christmas decoration? Sure, you remember how one of the three magi ... broke from Herod's... straitjacket? Because, you know, it was a Christmas miracle."
Starting Things Poorly - Dec 13th
"That's a shaky leg to start off with. I'd recommend replacing it with one of them 'blade' legs, the ones that let you run and jump real good. Yeah, I'm thinking of getting frostbite real bad so I'll have an excuse to get me some of them."
Defining the Abbreviation MPA - Dec 12th
"I'm assuming that's the pub-admin definition of it and not a maraca paint applicator, mostly since the latter is probably an industrial machine and more probably doesn't even exist."
Dealing with Potheads - Dec 11th
"I've never been one for 'burning'. Call me the old fashioned type, but I prefer kickin' a good can to igniting effigies. Straw is too valuable for floorin' a barn to symbolically kill one's enemies, and I gots a lotta enemies and would need a lotta straws.
"Why I'm talkin' as though I grew up in the Depression, I don't know."
On Stranger Danger - Dec 7th
"I mean, you don't know if I'm a serial killer or something. Hell, I don't know if I'm a serial killer. Every couple of mornings, I wake up to bloody knives in my sink and defensive wounds, and I don't know how either got there."
Regarding my Standards - Dec 7th
"Wow, you know what a mollusk is. My interest is piqued already. I'm easily impressed, what can I say? "
On Good Grammar - Nov 25th
"I obviously have spelling ability, by which I mean the capability to invoke enchantments. I dunno what that 'grammar' thing is; I'll have to divine the answer sometime later. Where's my eye of newt?"
On Having IQ Greater than a Vegetable - Nov 21st
"I'll confess, however,I was once bested by a potato in a chess match. To be fair, it was getting help from a chicken. I got back at both of them, however, with one dinner. (I left them with the check. Heh, heh.)"
Regarding my Colorfulness - Nov 10th
"In case I didn't mention I was crazy, allow me to certify that I have been fully cleared by my doctor. He's not a psychologist, mind you, but still a doctor. Also, he's a sock puppet."
Regarding my Conviction - Nov 2nd
"It's not that I'm shallow or anything. Okay, I am, but in a three-dimensional sense. I'm only two inches deep, allowing me to be folded like laundry. How that works with a skeleton, I do not know. It's detachable, probably?"
The Problem with Hasty Escape Routes - Oct 31st
"My face is screwed up enough without having to plant it on a window pane. Er, I mean, I'd hate to mar perfection? Yeah, it totally shows as convincing when you put a question mark after it."
Regarding Scientific Knowledge - Oct 29th
"People can't not be good at science; we're all walking sacks of water and chemistry. You're literally made of science, so, if you're bad at it, you'd cease to function and/or possibly explode. But... explosions themselves are science, so you wouldn't do that, either. In fact, every possible action or reaction is -- at heart -- science, so you'd just be really inert. Like a noble gas. Crap, more science~! There's no escape!!!"
Regarding Children - Oct 25th
"Adults are just big kids. Larger, and therefore you can't push them around as easily, which is why I prefer the pint-sized variety. Oh, you don't like my way? Well, too bad~! Heh heh. Kids: they don't know better."
A Social Work Paradox - Oct 25th
"I mean, total bastards don't go into a field that helps people, unless they wanted to just laugh at their suffering before helping them. Wow, that'd be awful. Hopefully, a sadist doesn't figure out that endless wellspring out."
On the Benefits of Baking - Oct 25th
"I can't imagine how many times I would have been fired if it weren't for periodically bringing in a few dozen chocolate chip. I'd guess ... once? Which, I guess means I shouldn't have pluraled time."
Regarding a Recent Diet - Sep 27th
"I wonder if zucchini cookies count as a vegetable? Furthermore, I wonder if I can convince myself of that fact?"
Her Missing an Opportunity - Sep 27th
"I feel a little responsible for that, what with all the telepathic impelling I was sending to see if I could get you take a bite out of someone's arm. You know, to see if my lessons have been paying off. Or, to see if a three minute class offered by a shady man in a shadier van in the shadiest alley -- which consisted of nothing more than an aimless rant about the government and poking me with a re-used needle -- was just a scam. Now, I know what you're thinking, and no, there was no clear, direct, or even implied message that this man was offering mind control classes. That's how they keep their craft secret."
On Which Animals We Eat - Sep 27th
"I know that pigs are smarter than dogs, and people eat bacon out the wazoo. And don't get me started on tuna with bits of oh-so tasty dolphin meat~!"
Regarding an Adorable Dog - Sep 27th
"Just saying, if a diversion was ever needed to pull a bank heist, you got more than one of those aces up your sleeve. You couldn't do more than four, however, 'cuz there aren't that many aces in a deck, and then people would get suspicious. Yes, that is what would tip them off as opposed to the masked accomplice dressed in black sneaking into the vault with a cartoonishly cliché sack with a green dollar sign on it."
On Misplacing a Phone - Sep 25th
"The important thing is that you didn't leave you phone in a patient, which was very awkward for me to do since I'm not a doctor of any kind~!"
On Communication Complications - Sep 24th
"It's good that you get chatty when you're nervous 'cuz I tend to vomit uncontrollably, which I assume would negatively impact my ability to talk back."
Regarding Holes in Science - Sep 24th
"I love when some people treat science like its a religion, thinking it infallible. I am a scientist, so I know just how often we shrug as an answer. And that's why I give my goats to Ba'al."
On High School Reminising - Sep 20th
"I was in the Everyone Avoid That Guy 'Cuz Columbine Just Happened and He Fits the Profile club. It pretty much was my twin and I. Good stuff."
Regarding Temperamental Redheads - Sep 19th
"A scary ginger? I don't like the idea of mixing two Spice Girls."
On Dating a Temperamental Redhead - Sep 19
"I don't know how her boyfriend puts up with it/isn't in a body bag."
Regarding my Physique - Sep 19th
"I've found that I possess more of an hour glass figure than most women. Which... is depressing. In many ways. Damn lack of upper body - er, everything~!"
Regarding Getting Noticed - Sep 18th
"I'm not a pretty girl. I may be mistaken for such when at a bar, until I turn around, and then then get mistaken for an ugly woman."
Regarding a Pet Birds - Sep 17th
"Of course, since I've never seen them, they could just be hamsters with feathers glued to them. I guess the one that flies would have a little remote control helicopter strapped to its back with coordination from someone doing a very long term joke. But, that sounds a little too absurd; they'd have to be gerbils."
Concerning my Absurd Remarks - Sep 17th
"I was a little wondering if those all were hitting or going way off and knocking out some poor bystander's eye. Turns out, I was just carelessly aiming a bee-bee gun."
On It's Better to Have Loved and Lost then Never at All - Sep 15th
"I've never really agreed with that phrase at all. There's been plenty of times where I'd rather have skipped the whole thing than have had to deal with no longer having it. Of course, that's mostly about a really good cheese cake that I wolfed down in a sitting. I'll have to try this
'love' thing with animate objects."
Regarding Optimism - Sep 15th
"Optimism is a great thing until you realize that it doesn't actually make the world any better, just how you choose to look at it."
On Having a Back-Up Pet - Sep 15th
"Just don't tell the dog that he is, in fact, a back-up. Kids hate being told that sort of thing; either of them~!"
How to Get More Law Experience - Sep 14th
"What you should do is 'arrange' some mishaps with your friends so that they seek legal advice/court stuff from you, thus giving you more experience. It's genius, if I do say so myself; dishonest and genius, in probably equal amounts."
Marvels of the Living Body - Sep 14th
"The human body is overrated. Forget it being a 'marvel of biology'. I opted for an android form, but it was mostly make out of recycled tin cans. I forget why, but I'm still not asking too many questions. Except for why, since I forgot that one."
On the Details of Medicinal Steroids - Sep 12th
"For more information on steroids, please consult the shady guy hanging around your local gym. He has only good things to say about them, and why shouldn't he be trusted?"
Regarding New Fruit Allergies - Sep 12th
"At that point, I'd just eliminate fruit from my diet altogether. It's what I did years ago -- along with vegetables -- and I still have 42% of my bodily functions. Left arm use is overrated! I have two kidneys. Does a spleen really do anything? Why is my skin falling off?"
Regarding Job Offer Locations - Sep 11th
"I'm surprised there's even jobs in your field out in Detroit. I mean, you do law, and isn't the Motor City pretty much an anarchy cesspool where such trivial things are scoffed at? To be fair, I'd say the same about Cleveland if it was on topic. I'm just that type of guy/jerk."
Regarding Weekend Plans - Sep 11th
"I feel like I should say something to the effect of this weekend, but I don't want to come across as presumptuous or too direct. Besides, I don't think I know you well enough to ask for your liver. Mine works fine, anyways; I just don't have anything for dinner tomorrow. Did I already do an organ eating joke, possibly related to kidneys? I do those a lot."
Dealing with Big Foot - Sep 11th
"The ol' Skunk Ape is only violent if provoked by loud noises. Or quiet noises. Or moderate sound. And silence. So, as long as you can avoid those situations, he'll still rampage."
On Hunger and Irritable Side Effects - Sep 11th
"Steroids do that? I'm surprised more people don't say they are on them to be able to freely gripe and eat cake whenever they want."
On Enjoying my Banter - Sep 11th
"Here, I just assumed you had rolled your eyes out of your sockets from this inane monkey-at-a-typewriter dribble I call communicating."
On Having Nothing to Break the Ice - Sep 11th
"Solution: lack of a conversation used as an ice breaker. Like breaking apart a berg with a floe. I'm sure, like, three people have thought to do that before, and maybe half even tried it. I don't know how half a person tries something, but I'm assuming things didn't go to well between the two large, crushing ice structures and his body."
A Town Named Paradise - Sep 7th
"That, granted, sounds better than anything. It's for this reason of nomenclature deception that many prize awards are actually Hundred Grand candy bars."
On the Needs of Locales - Sep 5th
"I've noticed, no matter where, the dispenser of booze is a town staple. Especially in a dry county."
On Secretly Being a Villain - Sep 4th
"You revel in the sinistry, twirling your villain mustache which you pull out of your pocket just for twirling."
Regarding Sibling Rivelry - Aug 31st
"Everything can be a competition if you want it to be. Even competing. Competition competitions get pretty fierce, what with all the competing to compete."
Regarding Chocolaty Goodness - Aug 31st
"I've recently learned that Hershey's makes a something-something dark cocoa powder. That stuff will make your cakes almost black as sin, and we all know that sin is delicious. For example, greed tastes like cotton candy."
On Dessert for Breakfast - Aug 31st
"Pie isn't too different from just cooked apples or some type of apply coffee cake/whatever you call those things. So, pie, yes; cake is just unacceptable, however. For that, you'll damn your soul. Pretty sure it's in the Bible."
When Troubled to Decide What to Bake - Aug 30th
"The normal outcome is eating straight from a bag of brown sugar. I mean, not that. The opposite of it, in fact. Which... would be... excreting brown sugar into the bag? Sure, why not."
Regarding Open Discussion - Aug 30th
"Right, nothing is off limits. So, anyways, about that weird boil on my -- oh, not that, I see. I made a limit."
Regarding Babysitting - Aug 29th
"Other's people's kids are great 'cuz you can screw them up and not worry about the long term damaging consequences~!"
On What Her Dogs Ate - Aug 29th
"Sounds like they eat better than most people. Makes ya wonder about investing in a dog costume and barking on all fours."
On Temporary Unemployment - Aug 28th
"I've been working for years, and, gotta say, it ain't that great. Don't tell my boss I said that; I need this job."
On the Uses of Nail Polish Remover - Aug 28th
"I work in a lab, so I'm pretty aware of all the wonder that acetone can do, and how tasty it can be~! That skull and crossbones is merely a suggestion, right? ... Why am I suddenly blind?"
After a Number of Coincidences - Aug 27th
"I bet we'll find out that we share the same kidney or something, assuming you got a donation from that hobo I accidentally gave that poison sandwich to. I didn't need it, mind you; I just put it in a pickle jar, but I figured I ought to do something with the other one."
On Dungeons and Dragons - Aug 27th
"D&D is an odd mistress. It really matters who you are playing with for how the game will go. It can be pretty stuffy and lackluster or the whole time can be spent cracking wise about how you inadvertently cost fictional children their lives. If there's a medium, I haven't heard of it!"
On Comic Con Attire - Aug 27th
"There's nothing wrong with having a costume in your closet so long as it's for appropriate situations and not getting a carton of milk wear."
On Finding The One - Aug 24th
"I'd say I'm in the same boat as yourself: trying to find someone with similar interests who -- how to put this? Is distinguishable from a couch in both size and mobility?"
- Aug 24th
"Sorta just a kudos for being darling; behaviorally, that is. You could be walking around with a paper bag over your head (stumbling, I guess, more realistically), and I'd just want to pet you. And, probably, give you one of those blind guy sticks as that activity wouldn't seem too safe to be doing."
On a Peculiar Interest - Aug 24th
"It's intriguing that someone like you would love spooky, dead things so much. I'm sorry, but I'd half expect that whenever you spoke, puppies would come out of your mouth. Actually, that'd be mortifying, if you think about it. That'll replace the clown in my nightmares this slumber."
She Impressed Me - Aug 22nd
"I gotta tip my hat to that one. Well, I have to go grab a hat, first. Afterwards, I'll wonder where I got it from as I don't own any..."
Regarding Film Quality - Aug 22nd
"I challenge the notion that B-movies are no good. Does the presence of rigid acting and visible wires make a film awful? Wait... yes. Okay, statement withdrawn."
Regarding Appearances - Aug 12th
"Everyone has a different metric of attractive, but I've found not overweight with a face like a catcher's mitt tends to be universal."
On Insect Nomenclature - Aug 11th
"I think earwigs are commonly known as Nature's bastards. Maybe that's regional, however, like the my household region."
On if I Actually Baked Cookies - Aug 11th
"Of course I do. I wouldn't say it if it wasn't true. Lying on the internet? Why, I assume that never happens and that those Nigerian princes are just hitting a few snags in returning my funds. Hm, there sure are a lot of those there."
Seeking One Smarter than Your Average Bear - Aug 11th
"Wait, you look for guys who have an intelligence only greater than that of a woodland creature? I gotta say, that's... actually, most men out there probably are not smarter than a standard bear, now that I think about it."
Being Told that I Seemed "Cool" - Aug 10th
"I gotta say, if I fit your definition of cool, then you're dictionary may need to be updated. Or needs a pair of glasses. Then, I would question why there are eyes in it, and you would point out that dictionary in fact has two i's. And I would tip my hat. Except, I was the one who said it. Which is good as I am not wearing a hat. Phew. Dodged an imaginary bullet from a fictional scenario there."
Regarding my Crochet Octopus - Aug 10th
"I have a confession to make... That octopus, it isn't real. I was hoping for one of them Pinocchio scenarios where if I wanted it deeply enough, a fairy would come and turn it into a real mollusk~! But, sadly, it never occurred. Not that I wanted a real octopus, lacking an aquarium, but I planned to jump the Blue Fairy and score some mad pixie dust to sell on the black market. But, nooo. They have to 'not exist'. Those jerks."
She Claimed to have Cute Feet - Aug 6th
"You know, I don't think I've ever heard anyone list that as a defining characteristic. Unless that was the only part of one not covered in terrible acid burns from the incident. Or, where my money is going, panda feet! That's a condition, right? I'm just gonna say that I'm not one of those foot freaks, so you know. Ankles, however, oooh baby!"
Her Grooming Preferences - Aug 4th
"My flanks have been severely torched and I do possess eyebrows. Oh, wait, those don't count as the sideburns and facial hair you sought."
Regarding what She Wanted - Aug 4th
"Say, that's exactly what I was looking for, too. Well, and the Lost City of Gold, for obvious reasons. They have killer burritos, FYI, meaning that they are sentient and murder, a useful piece in my ploy for world domination."
After an Anecdote about Poor Male Behavior - Jul 31st
"I feel like I should apologize on behalf of my gender. Altho', they may have revoked my card once I started crocheting..."
Her Love of Godzilla - Jul 31st
"Affinities for ol' Zilly, huh? I'll just assume for my own sanity that you don't mean furry-styled affinities. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Okay, there would be; let's be honest."
On Avoiding Photography - Jul 29th
"I think someone snapped some group shots when I wasn't looking and couldn't ninja out of the flash. Best use of that mystic training right there. I disgraced my sensei, the evil ronin burned down my hometown, but no photos. Good use."
On her Favorite Dessert - Jul 28th
"Say, I just made a cheesecake. I ... don't think it turned out all too well, however. ... Are they supposed to be green?"
On Michigan Town Names - Jul 13th
"It sounds like one of those weird, middle-of-nowhere towns that is eerily more like the deep South than Midwest. With farms and dueling banjos."
About an Imaginary Scenario Person - Jul 13th
"It's because he doesn't exist. While I'm at it, none of the other guys exist. Even males you know. Your father? Nothing but a skillful puppet crafted and controlled by your mother. Kudos, I say, for that grand display of talent. I mean, wow, really. That's some workmanship right there."
She Thought I was Something - Jul 13th
"Really? The coolest person you ever found? What about that one guy who can shoot eye beams from his hands? Three, two... Hopefully that one clicked before the buzzer."
Jokingly(?) Questioning my Gender - Jul 12th
"Don't be ridiculous. Of course I'm a (checks) boy. I mean, yeesh. What type of ugly girl would that make me? Granted, I'm not winning any handsome prizes when you take my true gender into consideration, but that'd be a paper-bag-over-head requiring offensive face."
On Alcoholic Consumption - Jul 7th
"I, too, wouldn't say I drink much. I do have bottles of liquor, but I haven't been black-out drunk for, at least, three hours or so."
Regarding Lunar Travel - Jun 30th
"So, what is there, exactly, to do on the moon that cannot be perfectly replicated with a pair of moon shoes or moon bounce? 'Cuz if the answer is anything, then I'll have to immediately begin a legal suit against their respective makers. So many years of lies..."
Assuring that I was not Full of BS - Jun 7th
"I mean, there was that intestinal surgery from a few years ago, but they used pig parts for that, so none of it's bovine~!"
Fun with Words - Jun 7th
"I have to point out the curiosity of a professed dog lover making claims of seeking a cool cat."
The Unoriginal "Ask Me" Only Profile - May 31st
"Why are we here? Oh, wait. You prob'ly meant to ask a question pertaining to yourself and not to make like a magic eight ball with your noggin."
On My Origins - May 25th
"Originally from Ohio, the birthplace of boring. It's in their state motto, honest. Poor choice if you ask me, but accurate."
Upon Noting Location - May 16th
"Wow, you musta moved here fairly recently. Google still has the text cache of you being in Neo-Mexico (I google people, yes). Unless you are a time/space paradox and occupy more than one location at once. If that is the case, however, I think you'd be using your powers to commit felonies by having the perfect alibi. And I'd be jellies.
"Not jealous, no. I'd turn into preserves due to prior stated anomaly. I'd just assume, naturally. Break space time, and somebody turns into jam. Logic."
Introduction after Banter - Apr 28th
"This is how I say hello. Well, and by noting that you say how your eyes are an attention grabber yet portray them as black holes in your picture. Unless they are deep voids of perilous darkness, which would explain why they stand out so much. Whether or not I say that to mean that my interest is further piqued is up for interpretation. Okay, that's how I say hi."
On Topics of Discussion - Apr 28th
"I can banter on about anything and everything under the sun, but not the sun itself. That fiery orb is a dirty fiend, and I shake my fist at it."
To a Conversation Love - Apr 28th
"Talking is the best, like ... with the words. And stuff. Being said."
Regarding Poor Dialog - Apr 28th
"I can entirely relate with your disdain for brevity and lackluster wordplay from folks here -- or anywhere, for the most part. Wit and word are not a whit worth looking for in modern society. ... Now I just sound like I'm trying too hard. Better dumb it down: Hey, baby, I bet letter-U letter-R number-2 hot letter-N bed. Putting myself through that, I think, made my nose bleed. Ow. My brain is crying."
To a Trivia Monger - Apr 24th
"I would love to crack open your piñata of knowledge and compare tasty trivial tidbits. Wait... nothing about that metaphor sounds in any way appeasing. Pretend I stopped at 'Hi'."
Highlighting High Points - Apr 21st
"I have a soft spot for short, silly, and bubbly; what can I say? And Chinese food, but that would be really odd if you were that as well. Odd, and amazing."
Regarding Know-How - Apr 20th
"None more versed in this practice than you are. Well, I've done it seventeen times before, but does that really count? Eighteenth is the money-time."
Location, Location, Location - Apr 20th
"To be fair, if I were to literally walk across the street, I'd be in East Lansing. Folks just tend to get that concept better than when I say 'Okemos'. Mostly as I just scream it in there faces with no real context."
On my Memorability - Apr 20th
"It's a very memorable combo of lank and locks normally not found on males. The locks being two years without a hair cut and the lank being 'Oh, no! A gentle breeze snapped me in twine~!'"
One of Many Short Comings - Apr 20th
"I am just awful with face/photo recognition. Something 'bout the jump to the third dimension that really corks my conker. That is so to an expression! I expressed it; therefore, it's one. Case closed."
Starting Off on a Good Foot - Apr 20th
"I'ma guessing it's the left foot. My left isn't a club foot. The right isn't either, but the case still holds true."
Accused of Building a Robot of Certain Function - Apr 18th
"That droid accusation is... is just silly. Why, that wig is very necessary for function. It helps, uh, follicle the ... samples?"
Regarding Voices in One's Head - Apr 18th
"You don't shut the voices out; do what they say! There's that legal defense that forgives any misdeeds done under the influence of brain-words, right? Pretty sure that's the case. Otherwise, I have some stabbin' to answer for."
Reassured I Didn't Look Like a Hobo - Apr 17th
"Excellent! My 'not a drifter' disguise kit was well worth the investment, then. Now, I'll be able to stroll into a McDonald's and not get a funny look for heading straight to the bathroom -- I mean, not that. Not that at all."
On a Usual Tear - Apr 17th
"Put it on a little thick, didn't I? Yeah, I tend to do such, normally with cologne. I just can't help it; it really brings out the flavor in food. Agh. Am I going too far when apologizing for going too far? Yep, got problems."
Posed to an Animal Lover - Apr 13th
"Standard cat/dog or do you just run out to the park and cuddle squirrels?"
Regarding my Strengths - Apr 13th
"Usually a good talker, better listener, worse paper weight."
Questioning my Words - Apr 9th
"Wait, do folks still use the term dame? Or swell or even folk for that matter? What am I, from the the 1930's or something? And, if so, how am I sending this electronic message? Should I even know what this is? This time traveling lingo paradox is splitting my head, so I'm certain you've already burned and salted the non-earth it graced."
After a Mouthful - Apr 7th
"That's a lot to cram into one sentence in the end there. I think it graduated from being a run-on to a full blown American sentence. Grammar and social commentary humor combo off the bat before even returnin' a hi? Well, hiya. There, that's settled. Now more fun banter~!"
Springboarding Off her Words - Apr 7th
"Okay, I know none of those relate to the used saying, but ice breakers are hard. They have to be. To break ice. Which is hard."
Regarding Lust for Knowledge - Apr 6th
"I have a soft spot for a fellow sophovore, and a softer spot if said someone thinks that could count as a real word that makes any sense. Maybe sophophage? Or am I just digging this hole deeper?"
On my Dancing Talent - Mar 5th
"I have three left feet. I guess a hand would have to make up the third? Inconvenient on the dance floor, handy in a game a Twister™, but no help in an actual twister."
On my Pumpkin Rolls - Mar 4th
"People have threatened to murder for it. Not that they were serious. I... think?"
Regarding an Activity - Mar 4th
"Is it a little sad that, when googling contradancing to even know what it was, I was desperately hoping it involved two 8-bit army guys shooting aliens? That's rhetorical, of course; I know it's sad an' then some."
On Bad Ideas that Pay Off - Mar 4th
"Note to self: never assume any tactic is too dastardly to try a seventeenth time. That's the one proverbially the charm, if I recall."
Extorting with my Baking - Mar 3rd
"Maybe I could tempt your sweet tooth? That's low, come to the think of it... unless it's working."
Regarding Intrigue - Feb 17th
"Anyhoo, a nerdy gal deserves a looksie, I'd say. Or, maybe a word more masculine than looksie should be chosen. For example, any word."
After a Time Sensitive Joke - Feb 17th
"Hah, topical~! Much like the ointment I ... have no need for and do not even possess. What ointment? That's a birthmark, not a rash."
Regarding Similarities - Feb 17th
"Well, we share one thing off the bat. And, depending on if you made poorly planned ventures into caves as well, bat mites."
On "Not Finding Love in a Bottle" - Feb 12th
"You can find love in a bottle. Ever hear of a love potion? Don't give me that old 'those are only in fairy tales' spiel; I'm talkin' 'bout whiskey. Enough, and she'll make you love anyone~!"
After Some Rambling - Feb 12th
"I probably shouldn't be making reference to misunderstood philosophies and psychological studies that unearth the glaring flaws in humanity -- what would I have to talk about on a first date?!"
My Introduction - Feb 8th
"I'm a nerdy guy (understatement) who works in a laboratory: lab coats, hazardous chemicals, robots, programing said robots to overthrow humanity with said chemical supply. You know, all that jazz. If jazz were burning acid. Shot by robots."
The Fact I Even Said This - Feb 2nd
"Anyhoo, you seem collected and with quite a brain on your shoulders (Why isn't that in your skull? Egad, someone call a doctor, quick!)."
Regarding a Doll Collection - Jan 28th
"Isn't saying 'creepy collection of dolls' a bit redundant?"
Regarding my Lack of Focus - Jan 24th
"Might be a form of ADD, separate than the one I role play Sundays."
After Saying Her Friends Had a Lot of Kids - Jan 24th
"So, do you just have a lot of friends or a small number with Catholic sized families? (Says the Catholic.)"
Regarding Yarn Work - Jan 24th
"I looked a bit into knitting, but it looked far more complex than crochet. Two tools? That's double the trouble right there, if I learned basic math correctly."
On the Matter of Rambling - Jan 24th
"Aimless babbling is always the best way to go about anything ever. It's how I got my job. And put in a psych ward half a dozen times, among other events I don't want to talk about (mostly because I just made them up)."
On my Type - Jan 20th
"I have a real soft spot of self-proclaimed geek-types (and one in my skull; something about plates not forming properly, I dunno)."
Regarding Liking my Description - Jan 6th
"Ya know, I hear that so often that I think my profile is liked more than I am. If only I could be words on a screen. Too bad that cannot be... until I complete my digitizing device. Yes, that in no way can poorly for me or the world in general. Sci-fi movies teach me nothing~!"
Last Modified - March 15th, 2014 | Established - May 19th, 2013